I Would If I Could (But I Can't)
Title
I Would If I Could (But I Can't)
Creator
Jacob Schlitt
Description
"Fran has been coming to bed between 5 am and 7 am for a long time, and it is very upsetting."
Date
2011-12-27
Format
application/pdf
Type
text
Language
en
Coverage
2011
Identifier
I_Would_If_I_Could
Text
I Would If I Could (But I Can’t)
Fran has been coming to bed between 5 am and 7 am for a long time, and it is very upsetting. It is upsetting to me, and I realize it is equally upsetting to her. When I asked her if she could make an effort to come to bed a little earlier, Fran replied, “I would if I could.” This, from someone who knows herself as well as anyone who knows herself.
I would if I could (but I can’t) is the answer to all of the problems Fran is confronting.
Since Fran comes to bed so late, she sleeps late, getting up around 2 or 3 pm. The day is almost over. If Fran has an appointment (which she tries to schedule for the late afternoon), she rushes to get dressed. Rushing is a relative term. If I rush to get dressed, I do it in five minutes. When Fran rushes to get dressed, it takes close to an hour. Could she get dressed any faster? Her reply: I would if I could.
When Fran goes out for an appointment, she will try to combine it with a bit of shopping. Again, what should take 20 minutes, takes a couple of hours. Could she do the shopping any faster? “I would if I could.” Fran would usually call to tell me she is leaving the store and will be home in 20 minutes. I make a mental note that she will be home in an hour. When an hour and a half goes by, I begin to worry. I call her cell phone. She doesn’t answer, When Fran comes home, I ask her why she doesn’t answer the cell phone. Her reply: I would if I could.
Fran insists on making supper. After all, the refrigerator (and the freezer) are jammed with food. After resting, Fran announces that supper will be ready in a half hour. I ask if I can help. Fran says no. I grab a snack and retreat to another room. In an hour, I quietly set the table and ask Fran how everything is going. She tells me not to be impatient; she is dancing as fast as she can. In another half hour, Fran calls and gives me her drink order, which means supper is almost ready. Ten minutes later, Fran calls, “supper is ready” and we sit down to eat. The meal usually has a lot of little extra touches which takes time. (I could do without them.) Could Fran have prepared the meal faster? She would if she could.
The supper meal is the first meal of Fran’s day. I have already had breakfast and lunch. It is late, past 9 pm; I clear the table, do the dishes, check my e-mail, read or watch TV. If Fran does not take a nap, she sits in the living room with her feet on a hassock, reading the paper and watching the news on either MSNBC or CNN. At around 11 pm, I bid Fran good night and head for bed. I have long ago given up suggesting that she come to bed. Since she slept most of the day, she isn’t tired. Come to bed? She would if she could.
In the early hours of the next day, Fran gets hungry and starts to graze: a sandwich, a cup of coffee, a slice of cake, a piece of fruit, cheese and crackers, nuts. It is well known that one shouldn’t eat before coming to bed. When I mention this to Fran, she says she knows she should stop. She would if she could. I am shocked at her weight gain. Will she do anything about it? She would if she could.
Papers, books, magazines, photos, mail, are piled up on every surface in the bedroom, in her study and in the living room. My offer to help straighten it out is rejected. Fran will take care of it. Not now. Leave me alone. I would if I could.
12-27-11
Fran has been coming to bed between 5 am and 7 am for a long time, and it is very upsetting. It is upsetting to me, and I realize it is equally upsetting to her. When I asked her if she could make an effort to come to bed a little earlier, Fran replied, “I would if I could.” This, from someone who knows herself as well as anyone who knows herself.
I would if I could (but I can’t) is the answer to all of the problems Fran is confronting.
Since Fran comes to bed so late, she sleeps late, getting up around 2 or 3 pm. The day is almost over. If Fran has an appointment (which she tries to schedule for the late afternoon), she rushes to get dressed. Rushing is a relative term. If I rush to get dressed, I do it in five minutes. When Fran rushes to get dressed, it takes close to an hour. Could she get dressed any faster? Her reply: I would if I could.
When Fran goes out for an appointment, she will try to combine it with a bit of shopping. Again, what should take 20 minutes, takes a couple of hours. Could she do the shopping any faster? “I would if I could.” Fran would usually call to tell me she is leaving the store and will be home in 20 minutes. I make a mental note that she will be home in an hour. When an hour and a half goes by, I begin to worry. I call her cell phone. She doesn’t answer, When Fran comes home, I ask her why she doesn’t answer the cell phone. Her reply: I would if I could.
Fran insists on making supper. After all, the refrigerator (and the freezer) are jammed with food. After resting, Fran announces that supper will be ready in a half hour. I ask if I can help. Fran says no. I grab a snack and retreat to another room. In an hour, I quietly set the table and ask Fran how everything is going. She tells me not to be impatient; she is dancing as fast as she can. In another half hour, Fran calls and gives me her drink order, which means supper is almost ready. Ten minutes later, Fran calls, “supper is ready” and we sit down to eat. The meal usually has a lot of little extra touches which takes time. (I could do without them.) Could Fran have prepared the meal faster? She would if she could.
The supper meal is the first meal of Fran’s day. I have already had breakfast and lunch. It is late, past 9 pm; I clear the table, do the dishes, check my e-mail, read or watch TV. If Fran does not take a nap, she sits in the living room with her feet on a hassock, reading the paper and watching the news on either MSNBC or CNN. At around 11 pm, I bid Fran good night and head for bed. I have long ago given up suggesting that she come to bed. Since she slept most of the day, she isn’t tired. Come to bed? She would if she could.
In the early hours of the next day, Fran gets hungry and starts to graze: a sandwich, a cup of coffee, a slice of cake, a piece of fruit, cheese and crackers, nuts. It is well known that one shouldn’t eat before coming to bed. When I mention this to Fran, she says she knows she should stop. She would if she could. I am shocked at her weight gain. Will she do anything about it? She would if she could.
Papers, books, magazines, photos, mail, are piled up on every surface in the bedroom, in her study and in the living room. My offer to help straighten it out is rejected. Fran will take care of it. Not now. Leave me alone. I would if I could.
12-27-11
Original Format
application/msword
Citation
Jacob Schlitt, “I Would If I Could (But I Can't),” Autobiographical stories & other writing by Jacob Schlitt, accessed May 2, 2024, https://tsirlson.omeka.net/items/show/149.